A Story That Demands to Be Felt
Caleb A. Mertz has crafted something special with With Thoughts of Jason. The novel is a visceral journey through pain, hope, and the fight to be seen. It begins in a small town where secrets are survival tools. Jason, the central character, finds himself caught between who he is and what the world expects him to be. His former best friend outs him, shattering his sense of safety, and suddenly, he’s exposed to the world in the harshest way possible.
Instead of breaking apart, Jason’s world bends and reshapes itself around a new circle of misfits. Tameera, fierce and unflinchingly honest; Abby, protective and loyal; and Danny, whose charm borders on danger, become the fragile framework holding him together. Together, they share laughter, smoky nights, and the kind of connection that makes pain just a bit more bearable.
But secrets have a way of festering. The town hides more than judgment—it hides something dark. When Jason uncovers what his tormentor has buried, the truth threatens to unravel everything. The question is whether he’ll survive the cost of revealing the truth. Caleb invites readers into this tension, showing that even when the world turns cruel, there’s courage in authenticity.
A Voice That Speaks to Every Outsider
There’s something deeply familiar in the ache of Jason’s story. Caleb captures the uneasy rhythm of adolescence—the fear of standing out and the longing to be loved for exactly who you are. The book echoes the emotional force of titles like Call Me by Your Name and We Are the Ants, yet it holds its own tone and heartbeat.
What makes Caleb’s storytelling shine is how he balances vulnerability and defiance. Jason questions identity. His desire, fear, and resilience are tangible on the page. The friendships he forms act as mirrors, reflecting the many shades of loyalty and betrayal that define youth. Readers feel every sting of cruelty, every stolen glance, and every fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, love can be a safe place.
Caleb writes with emotional honesty that pulls the reader into Jason’s struggle without pitying him. Each chapter unfolds with a sense of urgency, as though the truth itself is alive, pressing closer with every page.
From Restaurant Floors to Literary Dreams
Caleb’s path to storytelling is as compelling as his fiction. A Pennsylvania native now living in San Diego, he’s come a long way from managing restaurants like Red Robin and Emeril Lagasse’s Chop House. Those early years taught him about people—their small kindnesses, hidden fears, and unspoken longings. Eventually, that understanding found its way into his writing.
His decision to return to school and pursue a PhD in comparative literature at the University of California, San Diego, came from a simple but powerful motivation: to tell better stories. Writing had always been part of his life. As early as second grade, he was already crafting tales—like his childhood story about an evil elf sabotaging Christmas. That young writer grew into an artist who wanted every story to leave a mark, to make readers pause and feel something real.
Caleb’s inspirations are literary greats such as Ernest Hemingway, James Baldwin, Walt Whitman, and David Baldacci. You can sense traces of their influence in his prose—the precision of Hemingway, the moral clarity of Baldwin, and the lyricism of Whitman. Still, Caleb’s voice remains distinct: contemporary, compassionate, and brave.
The Power of Truth and Connection
At its heart, With Thoughts of Jason is about visibility—the danger of it, the beauty of it, and the transformation that comes when you stop hiding. The story leaves readers questioning what safety really means and what it costs to be authentic in a world built to suppress difference.
It’s a book for anyone who’s ever felt out of place, for those who’ve been told to stay quiet when silence hurts the most. And while the story may break your heart, it also stitches it back together with moments of grace and friendship. Caleb proves that even in heartbreak, truth has the power to heal.
With its raw emotion and unflinching honesty, With Thoughts of Jason stands as both a mirror and a light—a reminder that being yourself, even when it’s dangerous, is the most radical act of all.
